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A hero is no braver than the ordinary man
but he is braver five minutes longer.
META / The Colbert Report 
14th-Jun-2008 10:31 pm

Stephen: My guest tonight ripped his name off a song. If he is Iron Man... then what am I? Please give it up for TONY STARK! *theme music plays, Stephens runs over to the interview table* Good to have you here, Mr. Stark. *sits down*

Tony: *watches Stephen, grinning slightly in amusement before trying on the collected businessman face* Tony, please. You've got a mini bar backstage- you're allowed to call me Tony. *settles smugly in his seat*

Stephen: Glad you approve, though next time try to leave at least little booze. The lemmings need to be sedated.

Tony: Ah. *gestures at him* You think like a true businessman!

Stephen: The joke's on you, Mr. Mascara. I don't think at all. *triumphant smile*

Tony: Oooh. *fakes a wince, touching his chest* And right to the core- you're with the media after all. *gestures to a guy off camera and makes a "drink" gesture, shakes his head then makes a "bottle" gesture before turning back to him* So, you've got questions? Is that how this thing works?

Stephen: Oh yeah, I hit 'em hard. I'm like a Rock em Sock em Robot. *holds up his index cards, flips through them* Yeah I'm supposed to ask you questions, but these all suck anyway. *tosses the cards over his shoulder* What made you want to make a movie of yourself? Because I must say that I woulda picked someone cooler than Robert Downey Jr to play me.

Tony: *watches the cards fly, smirking a little to show he's enjoying himself* I mean that was the casting department's doing. It was between him, Tom Cruise and Nick Cage and well...*grimaces* They went for the personal experience card. *gets a bottle of booze deposited in front of him* Great, perfect, thanks. But the whole idea of the movie...Iron Man's got a story to tell. Gotta give Spider-Man a run. Did you see the third one? Total crap...! But it made bank. Imagine seeing something worthwhile and how much it would make. *opens the bottle*

Stephen: You don't want Tom Cruise, than man is a freak of nature. He'd try to turn Iron Man into a Scientologist. *points to the glass* What did I say about saving some for the lemmings? And you sir, are no Spiderman, which is a great thing. Peter Parker is a pussy. Hey! Alliteration!

Tony: You'll be reimbursed, trust me. *pours a glass and offers one to Stephen* Yeah, it is. Try saying that one five times fast on national television!

Stephen: *takes the glass* Cheers! *raises it* I can say it all I want. This is Comedy Central. They'll bleep it out. I can even do this! Watch! *sets down the glass and flips off the camera with both hands*

Tony: *watches, curiously* Good deal! *laughs, joining in the flip off fest* Feels good giving people some work

Stephen: Censors have it too easy! Fucking communists with no work! *flip flip flip, abruptly stops* Aaaand done now. *gulps his drink*

Tony: Kudos to you! *raises his glass again before downing it* ...Mm. *swaggers slightly, still pretty collected* So what about your alter ego? I mean I'm sure you don't go home acting like the cameras are on. There's a soul in there somewhere!

Stephen: *points to the nearest camera, raising a Colbrow* I don't know what you're talking about. I tell no lies, friend.

Tony: Oh. I'm calling you a liar. *settles back in his seat* But you lie to defend yourself. Could be worse

Stephen: Just because you call me one doesn't make it true. *takes another sip* Like when you said I'd be reimbursed. I see no more alcohol.

Tony: Well, I never said I wasn't a liar -which I'm not. *takes out the ol' checkbook* What's the damage?

Stephen: *with a straight face* Eighty billion dollars.

Tony: *not phased, starts writing on the check*

Stephen: *cranes his neck to see if Tony is actually doing it*

Tony: *looks thoughtful* What's the tax rate here? 8.375%? *slides the Iron Man check across the desk* $1406.75. That's for three bottles.

Stephen: *pockets the check, makes an OMG face to the camera, composes self* Was that out of your own pocket?

Tony: My own pocket. *leans over to gesture to a speck on the table* See? There's the lint to prove it. I'd give you cash but I hear announcing that leads to people getting mugged. And I'm taking a lady friend out tonight.

Stephen: OOOOOH! Lint! *examines it closely, obviously very interested* They say you can tell a lot about a person by the lint they carry. *without looking up* A famous lady friend?

Tony: I'd love a lint reading. *watches the other examine it before turning to the audience* Actually I haven't picked her out yet. Anyone want dinner? *leans up in chair to get a good look at the audience...cue desperate screaming women*

Stephen: It says.... *now nose to nose with the lint* that you'd have better luck with a Magic 8 ball, but you should also pick a woman in a blue shirt for dinner.

Tony: *watches the woman in the blue wife beater with a southern accent who resembles Blanche from the Golden Girls hop up and down, running towards the stage* Easy, girl. This isn't The Price is Right! *glances back to Stephen* ...You sure it was a blue shirt? ...How about white...?

Stephen: *not even looking up, nose practically glued to the table* Nope, nope. Definitely says blue.

Tony: *mutters* C'mon, it's white.

Stephen: *wheels around on Tony, jabbing him in the chest with a finger* DO YOU WANNA READ THE LINT? HUH *pokes again* YOU ASKED FOR A READING AND I GAVE IT TO YOU! I DIDN'T GO TO SIX YEARS OF LINT SCHOOL FOR NOTHING!

Tony: *blinks, snatching back the lint and flicking it away* Oops. No more lint.

Stephen: *thrusts his arm to the side, pointing toward the exit* Begone with you and your destruction of lint!

Tony: *takes the bottle in hand and stands up* So I leave you and your...lovely audience! *swaggers, shaking the thrust out hand* Nice program you got, though, Stephen.

Stephen: I know, *sudden huge grin like this :D * Thanks for stopping by, Tony!

ooc: I am fortunate enough to have RPed this wonderful log with amazing mr_colbert. :D Just started off as a late night MSN thing but ended up wonderfully hilarious. <3
18th-Jun-2008 01:43 am (UTC) - OOC
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